a new day has come

someone told me about something.
what came out of my mouth is, I KNOWWW.
eventhough i didnt actually know.
i cant bear to hear something which i prayed i will never hear it.
its better not to know than knowing.
it'll break your heart into tiny little pieces.
i didnt even swear nor scream.
i was relaxed.
god blessed me.
i was so patient.
i didnt even blame her.
i blamed myself for not being that good to her.
she didnt even deserve me as a *.*. pun.
so, i went to sarah's dorm,
sarah, if people could see straight to my heart right noww,
they could see its bleeding and aching and hurting.
sarah said, yeahhh, i know. i know what you feel.
thanks.
i slept on sarah's bed..
still, its aching.
so i walked to a place that had a piano.
i sat on its chair.
my fingers automatically played a song.
my eyes were closed.
i played and played and played
and i didnt realize my fingers were aching too,
and when i opened my eyes,
tears were streaming down my cheeks.
how fast.
its her choice.
its her who wanted to make the choice.
she's the one who has the authority to choose.
and i will never blame or hate her.
its what she wants.
thats what she gets.
i will back off to give some space to her and her **
because im nobody and will not be anybody to her.
that's just it.
nothing can be changed.